Monday, May 20, 2013

Money and Relationships


I hate money. I know that money is nothing more then an inanimate object and starts out with no value whatsoever. It only gains the value that people assign to it. I know that money can be used for good just as easily as for evil but it is my experience that more often then not it causes people to behave in super selfish ways as they will do almost anything to the point of viciousness in order to obtain it. Then once they obtain some it's never enough, they always need more of it. They'll protect the money that they have in a way that they won't even protect their own children. They'll sacrifice love and vital relationships in order to obtain it. All of that and yet they usually still spend it incorrectly often running short on things they needed in order to buy the things they wanted. Things that you need: clothing, food, shelter and love. That's it. Those are the only things you need. Not ipods, ipads, laptops, 60 pairs of shoes with handbags to match each pair, not manicures (I've never had a professional manicure or pedicure). Not a brand new car every year or even two. Not a house filled with all the electronics. Yet if you ask those people they will tell you that they are entitled those things. Why? Because they worked for them. Which is all fine and well because it is their choice to spend all that time at work to obtain more and more meaningless things that are going to get old, boring or broken (if they can find enough time to enjoy them with work). Things they are either going to be interested in for a limited time or they will be literally old in about in a year or two and need to be replaced. Or they get broken or sometimes even stolen by someone who didn't want to work to obtain one. I think the truly crazy thing though is that they have convinced their selves that they actually need those things in order to be happy. Most of the time though the only reason the things even bring them happiness in the beginning is because they have something new that they can flaunt in front people they consider to be less fortunate then their selves.

I remember when my husband and I were only friends. You see he and I truly started out merely as friends. When I realized that I truly loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I pleaded with God. I told God that I knew that I loved him because I would be willing to literally live on the streets with no food as long as it was with him. I promised God that I would never leave him no matter what and that I would absolutely always remain faithful to him. What I didn't know then was that God was going to give me what I wanted but that he was going to put my promise to the test. We have been together for four years and all but the first year and a half has been an uphill struggle financially. I feel that a lot of it is my fault and he feels that it's his. I spent literally most of my life as a stay at home mom. I had a total of 6 children. My ex-husband was the type to live at his work so when I had the first five we had the money to take care of them while I stayed at home. It was something my ex-husband was pretty proud of. I tried working a few times and it never worked out due to unreliable child care but as I said, my ex was pretty proud that he made enough to provide. My sixth child was born out of wedlock but I'm not going to go into that right now because it's an entirely different situation better saved for another time. Anyway, my point is that when I married my husband four years ago, not only did I not have a work history or previous experience but I had also developed some pretty rough back problems that wouldn't even allow me a night's sleep. So we have been living on one income and while he makes more then minimum wage and works 40 hours per week, we could really use another income. However, we have what we need. We have shelter, clothing, food and love and I have honestly learned to be happy with that. We haven't even had a car for the past year and most people consider that to be a necessity now. We've been okay and we have each other and two of our girls that actually not only want to live with us but they even enjoy it. Our girls do have some material objects. They get things from their other parent and we also buy them some things when we have some extra money but they are not materialistic girls. They know they are very loved and they feel like they actually mean something to us because we are always there for them instead of at work.

My grandmother always taught me that when you decide to share your life with someone then you are inviting that person into your life to share everything. That if you truly love and trust that person enough to vow your life to them then you will also keep nothing from them. Nothing. I have to admit that the way that I love my husband, I don't want to keep anything from him. I love him so much I want to give him everything in my power. In fact if I could, I would give him the world. I could not even imagine for a minute keeping something like money from him yet people do that now. How can you live with someone that you cannot even trust with something like money? How can you call it a relationship if you keep separate finances? How is that love? Splitting bills and the cost of food, isn't that a roommate? Borrowing money from the person you're with, couldn't you just as easily do that with a friend or family member? Why are you in a relationship again?

Money should not even be a factor when it comes to any relationship we have no matter who it is with. Love for another person should not be based on whether or not the other person has any money. This goes for parents, children, friends and spouses. If it's truly love then money doesn't matter. The love should always be there even when money isn't. It is only true love that will get you through difficult times when there is no money. And let us not forget the most important and very valid point. You can't take it with you when this life is over. Why would you even want to?

I grow weary of people who put so much emphasis on money. I've been called belittling names and ridiculed because I don't work. I look at people that work their lives away and wonder why they are doing that but I have never called them names or tried to make them feel bad for their choice. I often wonder though if they are really truly happy. If they truly are fulfilled. They usually claim they are just trying to save up for retirement when they no longer can work anymore but I have witnessed a very large number of people who work and work right up to their death never even reaching retirement not to mention the people who do manage to save only die shortly after retirement. I don't believe that you work for extra money so that you can enjoy it one day. You only end up working so much and then never truly learn anything about life except the cycle of work and money. Or you work and work so you can afford more of the things you want. I find that spending money on wanted things is a very unhappy life because it's a cycle. You feel bored or depressed so you buy something to entertain yourself. That won't last long and soon you'll need to find something else to entertain yourself. I have found my fulfillment, my happiness though without having to obtain more and more money. Money just isn't truly the answer to happiness for anybody. I pray for anybody who thinks it is.

To sum it all up:

Matthew 6:19-34

King James Version (KJV)
19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!
24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.